The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
