I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
