We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
