we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
