i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
