I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
