Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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