i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
God I need to hump something, right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
