so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude. I can hear the air.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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