he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it was like eating out sand paper
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
