I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She needs sedatives and a leash
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
