He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
