whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
