You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
