I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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