can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize