Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
