I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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