That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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