im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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