I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
