I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
