dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
