I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
