Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
