dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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