i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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