I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
