Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
