we're chasing vodka with high fives
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
