considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize