why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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