Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
