this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i think i just lost a toe
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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