well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
