he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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