Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
