We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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