WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she smelled like a LAN party
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize