Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize