she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
