i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
