sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
