I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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