I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
