i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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