you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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