Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
