Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
