respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
