Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
