When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
