my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
