Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
