I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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