im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
