Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up under a house in Key West
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