he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
