you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
