you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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