Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
