Kiss
Puke
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
