Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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