I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
